I have been somewhat neglectful of this little project. I don't regret it. Better things have been taking up my time. Also worse things. I mean I want to blog, but I don't want to force it. There's not enough me in it, at the end of the day, and that's the only thing that's going to keep me writing. I'm going to have to remedy that somehow.
University has started in earnest. It's exciting. There are new people, new things to learn, new stuff to do, and whilst topics aren't quite as engaging as one would hope, they hold plenty of promise.
Ballarat is taking a while to adjust to. I am managing but there is a sense of isolation and entrapment that I didn't really foresee.
The levels upon which Bec and I must rely on each other has revealed some areas of tension, and breathing space can feel a little crowded at times. As previously iterated however there is a trust in each others' character and honesty that makes this nuances tolerable. It's a lot to come across the state border and set up life over again.
I'm frustrated over my own lack of motivation at times. I think there are little bubbles (and at least one large one) of depression that I've been glossing over for years that are starting to demand some attention. It tends to be stuff I've gotten so used to not thinking about that solutions readily escape me. At times the illusion is complete and I feel they are merely vapors of previous grief, but they revisit all to often, stealing my sleep, sapping my breath.
I am functional in any case. And mostly happy. But some things matter more than happiness.
I really need a job. Money got away from me, something I always feared but never really acted upon. It was never desperate, but enough to make me sweat a little. Things have sorted, but some extra income would put much at ease. Looking for work is frustrating to say the least. I don't know when it is not. It sucks trying to give a marketable account of yourself in one resume. I'm confident that if just one place I like gives me at least an interview I'll land it. Just one of those areas. Keep prodding. prodding. prodding.
New friends are a weird thing as well.
I'm using to being surrounded by fairly large networks, and I count myself lucky in that I've had fair choice in those I've become close to. My close friendships are built on history, common interest, intimacy, quality.
You can't really get straight into that with new people. I guess on account of them being new.
Just means I'm bored a lot, and lonely at times, whilst these new relationships ferment. They are new though, and thus also exciting. And it's nice to see myself in a new space as well. It allows me to have another look at who I am nowadays.
Being a first year means everyone's new. Everyone's scared shitless of each other.
I've been getting into politics again. Especially with this recent leadership spill. It is both infuriating and fascinating and I'm not sure why I'm doing it. I guess because it matters, and it feels like it's something worth caring about. I'm not so sure about that sentiment.
Cory Bill inspires me at least. He proves that sense can exist in that area.
Generally speaking, in conclusion, ergo, I am well. But I expect much more of myself. I should be great. Might take a little time.
My words are too boring. I must embellish them somehow. If I can't be sincere then I shouldn't bother anything.
Showing posts with label late. Show all posts
Showing posts with label late. Show all posts
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Things of Late
Posting slowed down considerably as I departed on a 5 day
stint to NSW, to attend a wedding, meet my newborn nephew and catch up with a
whole bunch of people. The stay put a lot of different thoughts into my mind,
many of which surprised me. To be able to just have so many more intentional
conversations in such a short space of time really helped to draw a bigger
picture of the world I know and the people therein.
I am fortunate.
But the level of quality in these individuals has helped me
realize the need to continue to bring things to the table. There was a desire
within me right from the day I arrived to also get back down to B’Rat and get
to work. I have around me friends and family who really make me want to be
great. Who help me believe I can be great. And not in a shitty self-esteem generic
sense.
When I started making a point of seeing through bullshit in
life, it was hard because it shattered a lot of illusions I had. But the beauty
in it is that you see really see the sincere stuff shine so much more.
Uni has begun in earnest. And I’m super keen. I’m feeling a keenness
and focus that I’ve never felt before, and it really edifies my whole decision
to give up the office space, and undertake something like this. I’m still
getting settled into it all but that’s half the excitement. There is a big part
of me that’s just glad I have space, time and a framework in which to write,
even if the classes aren’t always super exciting. I’m just happy that
this is what I’m doing with my life now.
Some random links:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=KLjgBLwH3Wc
this was super awesome. Really reaffirmed my desire to be healthy, and raised a lot of good conversation.
this was super awesome. Really reaffirmed my desire to be healthy, and raised a lot of good conversation.
more
interesting health stuff. This article felt quite balanced compared to a lot
that I’ve seen of late.
Interesting topic raised on the Someplace with Substance
facebook I started a while back on the legislation of drugs. I tend to be for
it, but it brings with it a whole plethora of issues.
Tim
Minchin is so candid. He offends quite necessarily.
Bit
scattered today sorry, but still trying to get settled and my head back into
things after coming back from NSW.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Things of Late
I figured it would be a good idea just to have a post about what
I’ve been doing lately and some cool links to cool stuff.
Good news is I’m heading back to Sydney from the 9th-14th
of February for the wedding of my good friend Kyle, and his lovely fiancé Jane.
I’m really looking forward to seeing some friends again. I’ve really been
feeling the isolation in Ballarat, even with the assistance of some very good
people (Snitch and Netna <3 )
My dear wife is in the same boat, but has work commitments, and an
interruption at such a time she feels wouldn’t serve her well. She’s working
really hard. I’m very proud of her.
I’ve been getting super fit, and have been trying to really push
myself physically. I feel great, but I need to learn to slow down a little. The
intensity is taking its toll. I’m enjoying it though, as I’ve never really been one
to own my own fitness. Also it saves me from the boredom. I have too much spare
time and not enough discipline to use it well. It hasn’t been all bad but I’m
looking forward to finding some work and beginning university. I have
orientation next week.
Pumped for FutureMusic! Skrillex, Knife party, Fatboyslim....the list goes on.
A few interesting things I’ve stumbled across lately:
The following are courtesy of the lovely Aisha Strand;
chiropractic extraordinaire!
This talk got me thinking about the effect of the mind on the
body, naturalism, and identity and all things related. I particularly liked the
way he talked about observation. I’m always for the scientific method, but for
things that are difficult to quantify there always needs to be an open mind.
Things exist whether we’re capable of measuring them or not. Bit weird but lots of thoughts on this one.
This article just validated many of my suspicions regarding the medical system.
It’s broken, and there is so much room for improvement. Exciting for people
like my wife though, as there’s a lot of room for her to bring initiative.
I’d recommend checking out the latest by song writer/singer Sarah Mclennen:
She’s off to New York to
get famous.
Interesting personal
documentary about people with Intersex conditions.
Oldie but a goodie.
appeared in my head, out
of nowehere….
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