Me and Bec - Part 3: Dealing with Reality

(To whoever is reading, sorry I haven't posted lately. I have been away. Posting should resume as normal soon)

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I am thankful that I am with someone who agrees that a healthy relationship has nothing to do with indulging the vices of the other. I have seen many relationships whose bases rest on their ability to rationalize or disguise such things, but we strive to have none of that.

It is especially helpful for someone like me, who once was so apt at polishing my own bullshit that I was in dire need of someone who saw right through it.

The unfortunate fact is there are parts of people that for one reason or another we simply don’t like, parts that cannot even be aptly described by the terms right or wrong, and this rings full true in our relationship, whether it be my love of video games or the fact that my appreciation for the female form is not exclusive to my wife, or her high and low battle with chocolate, or complete disdain for video games. Coming to terms with facets of our personalities has been a very deliberate and systematic process, but we have never regretted such undertakings, and indeed found that by exploring these parts of ourselves and each other instead of resenting and avoiding them we have expanded our character and personality. From something as simple as increasing my appreciation of music I initially found distasteful, to learning to take health seriously and thus significantly improving my own quality of life, these steps in maturity stem from taking those inconvenient facets of reality seriously, instead of avoiding them.

For an active example for me personally, I always struggled with how my wife would interpret my strong appreciation for beautiful things of the female persuasion, and thus struggled between hiding the fact from her and repressing it within myself. And indeed when the admission was made, it caused some discomfort. However, in the honesty of such a moment, it has allowed for understanding and afforded her a deeper appreciation of the desires I had and the pains upon which it brought me. It also allowed her to distinguish insecurities about herself from my appreciation of others, and that there is no association therein.

Whilst the journey is ongoing, for us to reach a point of clarity and understanding in an area that can prove so volatile, especially considering our background that was steeped in values of monogamy, exclusivity, and hard lines on what constituted ‘sexual sin’, was not only a burden of our shoulders, but revealed to me just how deep and intimate our relationship could go. By examining and understanding those parts of each other that we found distasteful, we are afforded ourselves opportunities to explore and understand these things ourselves. We grow, not just in our relationship but also as whole persons.


For the Introduction and Contents Page Click Here.