back here again. good show.
I don't even know why. I don't care I just figure it's good to dump myself somewhere every now and then.
I really hate Ballarat. I'm done with it. seriously, just want to go home by this point.
But I'll hang around for Bec. I have a job! A good job at that. A good job that I'm not very good at yet. I'm a sales consultant. This really is a job I could be very good at. But I'm not good at it. Yet.
Its a job that requires a Positive Mental Attitude for success. Considering the past 15 months I am instantly disqualified from success! That being said that Positive Mental Attitude is on its way. Why? Because I'm over being unhappy. I'm over aiming too high.
I'm seriously content to just be boring as fuck and simply a happy person for at least the next two years.
But that's just for starters. That's all I can aim for at the moment without expecting failure of myself. My self-esteem is shot. I'll get it back but its one step at a time. Fuck the rest, it'll just make me miserable.
so basically, few more months at it. Hopefully I'll get better. I have been. Things aren't suddenly wonderful again, but I'm a far cry from that rock-bottom. That'll do for now.
I really miss my family and friends. Its just too far. Physically but also emotionally, I've just gone to a place that's a bit out of reach. I really hope I can clamber back right into that place I belong.
It's been almost forever since I've felt like I belonged somewhere. At least it feels that way. Just a nomad. I miss my home.
Today I started the paperwork for a 23,000 credit sale! (fkn huge sale! like literally 2k + comission on that) and then the partner came in and canned the whole thing. sucked balls. i took it surprisingly well though. I guess I'm just trying to enjoy my job, and forget the pressure. I do better then. Sales is messed up, can't believe that's where I've landed LOL. I'm not sure I'll last but at the very least I'm going to enjoy the ride.
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