Adaptation!

I have had to adapt to survive the harsh winters of Ballarat. It is eye-opening to see how little the world cares for you outside of those places and domains that you call home. I have grown more capable of dwelling there. But it has come at great cost.
The fundamental needs for human companionship demanded some sacrifice. To forgo my obsession with ideas in exchange for the more harmonious hum drum of getting along remains something that I am uncomfortable with.
The experience of the past two years has resulted in the slow death of my more interesting self. A self I now realize that didn't have the ability to self-sustain. Removed from the Life support of my dear brothers-in-arms it collapsed in upon its own shallow nature. Survival demanded that I be reduced to a frustratingly simpler creature; one that knew how to keep its home and put food in its belly and smiled and waved. A creature that I had been able to neglect all my life thanks to my fortune in the quality of my friends and family.
But witness the cost. Even now I don't speak on ideas or events, but merely on my own journey; a focus on the self that plagues all smaller people.
I don't deny that there has been some essential growth in the past two years. Roots taking place in very necessary places. But the colour of my leaves have faded, and my flowers have wilted. And I fear that there is too little within me to bloom them in a winter as cold as this.

I used apathy to break my fall, but it is like a cozy warm bed on a cold Ballarat morning. And I've never been good at getting out of bed.