26/08/2015 - put this on facebook

Michael’s Link Dump!

Just a way to share things I find interesting and useful. Also an opportunity for you all to share your lovely insights with me.

1.

I've been reading Esther Perell and she's amazingly insightful. I think she really captures the conflicting wants that we have in committed relationships. It's certainly taking a lot of the worries around becoming exclusive and why that would become boring. I found it refreshing to see how she disregards this absurd expectancy that predictable monogamy 'should' be good enough to be exciting and erotic, and examines and appreciates the tension we experience in relationships when we find things that are naughty, mysterious, often politically incorrect and destructive to be sexually appealing, but also understand that those can often be the very things that endanger the security of our relationships.

“Sexual excitement is politically incorrect, often thriving on power plays, role reversals, unfair advantages, imperious demands, seductive manipulations, and subtle cruelties. American couples therapists, shaped by the legacy of egalitarian ideals, often find themselves challenged by these Contradictions.”

https://www.ted.com/speakers/esther_perel

http://www.estherperel.com/pix/networker_perel.pdf

2. 

Edit ruthlessly! I find deliberately carving my niche is hard and requires a buttload of mindfulness. It’s so easy to let others set the agenda when you live in a world like ours. Being pro-active about living out my values is something I have to do habitually. One particular way I find really helpful for me in doing that is making sure I get rid of things I don’t need often. These involves option I think. Barry’s TED talk on choice really got me thinking about the realities of having so many options in our lives. My voluntarily and intelligently removing options in my life, from simple things like ‘which pair of shoes am I going to wear today,’ to ‘which friend am I going to make time for’, frees up a lot of energy I was investing in making these decisions. It also allows me to manage my expectations better. Hence deleting Dota 2 from my computer.

It’s not a choice anymore, I can’t waste any more energy on deciding whether I’ve worked hard enough to indulge a game, whether I can afford to set aside time to play a game, whether I should be spending free-time to investigate and improve me ability.
I miss playing it a lot, but despite how enjoyable it was, it didn’t have enough utility to be considered worth it.

https://www.ted.com/talks/graham_hill_less_stuff_more_happiness?language=en

http://www.ted.com/talks/barry_schwartz_on_the_paradox_of_choice?language=en

3. 

I hate the suburbs. It’s difficult to understand why in a lot of ways. I found this talk resonated with me in a lot of ways. It was interesting to see things from his perspective in terms of space and community.

https://www.ted.com/talks/james_howard_kunstler_dissects_suburbia?language=en

4. 

I’m currently reading Amanda Pamler’s ‘The Art of Asking’ after discovering that Brene Brown wrote her foreword.

Reading the perspective of a crazy out-there artist is surprisingly insightful, especially in contrast and comparison to Brene Brown’s work. On the surface they are such different people and their methods are so diverse, but both have gotten a hold of what I think are universally important truths about self-worth, love, and human connection. Her experiences busking as The Bride is particularly fascinating. Her act was such that every day she was experiencing unique and intimate moments with strangers every day in a very unusual way. I’m enjoying reading the insights this and other experiences have afforded her.

5.

Psychological Anthropology is amazing. It’s the first discipline I've come across that seems to have the appropriate level of scope and nuance to capture the apostate journey because of its ability to capture both personality and culture and their complex relationship succinctly. It’s the most enjoyable subject I’ve had at university yet, and has helped me think of ways I can express a lot of my experiences and views more comprehensively and precisely.

Some stuff I’m reading/excited to start reading:

The Art of Asking – Amanda Palmer

The Brain’s way of Healing – Norman Doidge

Rising Strong – Brene Brown (about to start)

Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic and Domestic – Esther Perell (about to start)

Lots of shit on statistics (thanks Uni!)

Lots of shit on Freud

Aim is to do this about once a week, so I can have lots of interesting discussions with people, and just so I have a way of expressing all the wonderful things I’m thinking about and learning.